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Friday, September 04, 2009

Cows galore!

The content of my stomach flew out of my mouth onto the floor after reading Minister Hishamuddin's apparent defence of the cow-head demonstrators yesterday. Before I had finished wiping it out, I was hit by another nausea inducing curve ball in the form of Dato' Mukhriz' statement supporting Minister Hishamuddin's.

Apparently now an offence should not be prosecuted if such prosecution might cause "further unrest". Yes folk. It is the fasting month. Quite obviously, to certain Muslims, when food and drink are not consumed, blood circulation would be affected thus preventing the supply of oxygen to the brain. The result is calamitous. And not to mention rumbustiously funny.

Dato' Mukhriz must remember that when his father, Tun Mahathir charged Anwar Ibrahim for a cooked up offence circa 1997-98, 100,000 people came out on the street. What do you call that? Peace and tranquility? People resting? Or was that "unrest"? So, please answer this. Since when has an offence become un-prosecutable for fear of an unrest? No wonder that guy from Penang who called the Chinese and Indians "pendatang" was not charged. That would have caused unrest too, huh? I think I should speed up my invention of a talk cock eater.

But as event would have it, while I was spraying Febreeze on my carpet - to clean out yet another puke after that statement - my stomach churned again. This time from Minister Hishamuddin's statement that those responsible for the cow-head demonstration should be charged in Court. I then felt faint. Everything went black. My head was spinning. I blacked out. Apparently I suffer from u-turn phobia.

Speaking of u-turns, guys and gals, you all would remember Minister Rais' internet filter debacle. One minute he wanted to filter the internet and was driving 200 mph in his Proton Perdana to Filterville. The next minute he made a u-turn to his Excellency's usual Boringville. Of course, to the delight of all and sundry. But not after the whole world had read about the earlier decision though. The World - 1, Malaysia - 0.

Then His Royal Excellent I-have-changed-my-mode Minister announced that the Black Eyed Peas concert in Malaysia was only allowed for non-Muslims. Again, Minister Yen Yen of the Tourism Ministry was so thankful for the wholly free publicity that Malaysia was having world wide. It looked like Ambassador Todt would be out of job soon, if our Government continues at this rate. The World - 2, Malaysia - 0.

Of course, a couple of days later, when the anger caused by the first announcement had barely subsided, the decision on the BEP concert was reversed. Now Muslims can go. I thought the news page on which I read the news did not upload completely. Because I was dead sure there must be catch right? Like Muslims can go but shall be confined to a male and female only area on the roof of the stage or something. And they shall not dance. And Fergie must wear only batik baju kurung with a slit of not more than 2 inches in length. But no, there weren't such limitation. Phew.... Anyway, by this time, the World led by 3 to Malaysia 0.

Apparently this is getting to be some sort of a tradition. This u-turning aka flip-flopping like some penguins walking on ice while wearing a diving foot wear. Fleep fleep. Flop. Like that. Fleep fleep fleep. Flop. You get what I mean.

Before this, of course when Teoh Beng Hock was found dead at MACC's office, our DPM quickly said there will be no Royal Commission. About 3 days later, a Royal Commission was duly established. The World - 4, Malaysia - 0.

Before that there was the issue of teaching Maths and Science in Bahasa Melayu aka Bahasa Kebangsaan aka Bahasa Malaysia aka Bahasa Baku and back to Bahasa Melayu. Fleeeeeep and then flop. U-turn.

Ahah. Now His Excellent Minister Refined Rais is thinking of imposing conditions on ASTRO, contrary to the license being granted to ASTRO all these while. OSK has warned that this might have a negative impact on foreign direct investment.

Of course it will. Who in his or her right mind would want to come and invest in Malaysia if the parameters within which his or her business is to be carried out cannot be ascertained with certainty? The World - 5, Malaysia - 0.

But the one which stole the thunder form everything else was His Excellent ex Minister -we-have-erection-once-every-5-years Zainuddin Mydin. Singapore was "sacked" from Malaysia because of Lee Kuan Yew's Chinese-centric mantra. As if now, all Chinese Malaysians who are perceivably critical of the Government could be herded onto an island - ala the stray dogs in whatever pulau recently - and left to become cannibal out of hunger.

Of course, he had to leave the best for last. Yes. Singapore apparently has a third world democracy with a developed world mentality. Malaysia on the other hand has developed world democracy but a third world mentality. Mr Ex Minister, a democracy, unlike sex, does not have many positions or level. Either you have it or not. You do not have a doggie style democracy, a reverse cow gal democracy or whatever. Just plain democracy.

As for third world mentality, well, you can add Mad Cow disease to that as well. But it is not common among all Malaysians mind you. It only afflict some people. They know who they are. The World 6, Malaysia 0.

Then, yesterday, TLDM received its first ever ever ever submarine.

The World 6. 1 Malaysia.

Syabas.

37 comments:

Tpg2Sg said...

Hahaha! i do not know to laugh or cry? God bless Bolehland or rather u-turnland.

lil ms d said...

Art dear. You also forgot. The Muzium is having a kek raya exhibition! Dont know about flip flopping there but hey! That's important too!

Anonymous said...

Your writings always leave me with the impression that truly there is at least one person in Malaysia with his head screwed on right, besides me.

Your ending, apt.

DHR said...

I do wonder if the UMNO led government realises all of this. It seems like they are going out of their way to make them look awful. Its either that or there is this insidious plot to start something.

It has come to a point where it is no longer funny. We are moving backwards in terms of education/ability, healthcare, public transportation. By systhematically shooting ourselves in the foot, we are condemning ourselves and our futire generation to so much hardship.

Is this the legacy ministers like Hisham, Mukriz, OTK, CSL and the PM want to leave?

30 years agao, Myanmar and Philippines were thriving nations. Today, there is so much anguish amongst its citizenry.

Malaysia in 2020? Just don't bet your house on us being a developed nation

Anonymous said...

That ex-Minister Zainuddin is truly half past six, as how Mahathir would describe. Can't blame him cos he was a Std 6 drop out

Anonymous said...

Dear Art,

Day by day we see that our country is getting bad to worst with immature politicians.

Their comments based on race sentiments and not as good muslims.

Time to start afresh next GE!

Raison D'etre said...

Dear Art,
It's none of their fault really la.

Its this pesky new information highway doing. Suddenly, politicians can't call up late evening to reword some wording.

Now everything on the spot. How la...

And everyone got video lah, this la, that la summore...

How to say "misquoted", "misrepresented","misstate", and all other missuss.

Ahh... Whatever happened to the good old days, eh?

Better put some more clorox bro. Can smell the stink all the say here lo. :)

Xforget said...

You got me on this one.

Yes !!! I'm enjoying the comedy played by our politicians. We need more of this to brighten up Malaysian from all walk-of-life.

It's even better than at one-time "Scenorio" group or even way back in 70's of Dato'Jamali Shadat could have done.

I love these MSM spinning. Keep it coming as it makes my day much lively.

Anonymous said...

what about the bridge to sumatra? got U-turn also ar?

Anonymous said...

The last part shows how serious in spending multi-millions by TLDM to have their own U-boats minus the know-how. Maybe going under is better than staying afloat where evidences always leave a trail for critics or those trying to think logically. bahumbug....

clearwater said...

Art Harun,

Salutations, oh hilarious one. I see fasting in this holy month of Ramadan has not dimmed your wit one bit. Blood continues to flow to your brains as before. My Minister(s) however, are less fortunate and now suffer more from foot in mouth problems because of resticted blood circulation. They would like to know how you manage it in this fasting month; do you eat special foods, do special exercises, invoke special prayers etc. etc. They are desperate and would pay anything to know your secret.

Anonymous said...

LOL... you are really hilarious, Art, and you do it with such finesse writing skills. I love your blog.

As a Malaysian, the only sad part is that the writing is so very truth.

Sigh... please help us, God.

Anonymous said...

Well said and well written. Thank you very much
for this article summarising the "funny" u-turns
etc. Can't wait for your next article.

Pity this will never be printed in the country's
"premier" newspapers nor reach more than say
20% of the population of our beloved country

If only more Malaysians truly love this country,
love fellow Malaysians, believe in true democracy
instead of listening to our "heads-in-the-sand"
ministers such as our (in)famous "erection" minister we would be living in paradise on earth!

Anonymous said...

This flip-flopping is called the Badawi disease

tsunami said...

I really am not in a mood to read much so after a nap. But reading Bro Art Haron write-up made me kind of "afresh". But those sick ministers with flip-flop characters, comments made me vomitted my stomach out again. Very indecisive ministers, no principle. Neither here nor there. Well, let me tell you dear Go-Home Minister, Go fly kite..

Dear Go-Home Minister. Some pantun for you or rather a story long time ago when rakyat don't have calender and moon are refered to.

Many moon come,
You didn't come.
The baby or the cow-head come,
How come???

Answered the other.

Many moon come,
You did not come,
Many men come or the goons come,
The baby come and the cow-head come.

Joke of the evening.

Now the cow-head really come. You want. But never came...

Joke of the day.

mei1 said...

Haha, I like this part:

"This u-turning aka flip-flopping like some penguins walking on ice while wearing a diving foot wear. Fleep fleep. Flop. Like that. Fleep fleep fleep. Flop. You get what I mean."

Yes, please SPEEP up your invention of talk cock eater!!

Anonymous said...

ha ha, I was laughing so far that my other colleagues came over my place where we read together and laugh together as 1.

patrickteoh said...

Hi Art. You've done it again!!! You observations are as usual sharp and precise and your writing witty and humorous. More than even our comedic YB's and that is no mean achievement. Thanks for sharing.

Anonymous said...

With respect, You are a good author
Art. First may I quote > a saying by one of the Prophets > "Beware of the many false Prophets who claimed to be Prophets" I presumed
the Hypocrites. To my collections of my readings in Malaysiatoday.
to my conceptual concept inteprettion. There are afew very Fickle Ministers and Autocracies :)

♂无聊♀乂♥melvin♥ said...

I don't understand how this guy can tend to be the Home Minister when his integrity is so questionable.I also wonder how his uncle can put him in charge of the Home Affairs when this thing he could not solve-just to inflame it!!People are laughing at his kindergarten stuff at solving thing in a u-turn method.No wonder why our flip-flop Ministers are really making Malaysia into a flip-flop nation.

Anonymous said...

Art
You are too kind with the score line. it should be World 7 Malaysia 0 because us the taxpayers were royally screwed with the RM500M commission. I have not even gone into the necessity of the submarine.

And we forget that the goalkeeper is Najib 'butterfingers' Razak. If Sir Alex is running the team, Najib would be put on the first slow boat to Timbuktu before you say 'Goal'.

Yes, is no u-turn going to be in the KPIs I wonder. Rais would have got booted out of the cabinet.

Naturally more u-turns to come. The MCMC's directives to Mkini, dare I say PKFZ as well? One can hope can't one? GE13 I wait ...

Will be see a big surprise when Najib reorganise the cabinet? Maybe u-turn like Diam becomes the Finance Minister and Dr M the Prime Minister ...

peace
bob

ps ... if you are cleaning the carpet, i wonder what is Mukhriz feeling now? The proverbial 'sick as a parrot'?

ANN BK3 said...

Amidst all the gloom and doom, at least you provided us a much needed
dose where we can laugh our hearts out and pretend that all's well and good.

abusyukri said...

here comes our third botakhead (enter frame, after syed al-Bar and Ridhuan T-shirt )

Woman loves botakheads -a cue from our famous T.S P.Ramlee `3 botak`.

They have to works very hard, day in and day out to achieve that, at a very young age.must be in their genes.

See krismudin no blood, chinese or otherwise .Period.
(janganlah ganas sangat).

One `pious` sami even has to cover his tract shying from becoming a shining examples for his community.

enjoy..

Crankster said...

Malaysians are fast gaining the reputation of becoming top notch bimbos.

One of these days, we'll have to collect funds and put out an advertisement in NYT, BBC or Washington Post to set the facts straight.

John Baptist said...

Hahaha bro. These guys should rewrite "Common let's do the twist" to "Common let's do the flip (flop)". Hilarious as always. Thanks bro.

C++ said...

Bhai..

Your's writing amuse me.... hahaha .. there's tickle at my stomach... hahaha...

No more Bolehland... but rather U-TurnLand .... hahaha

Anonymous said...

seems like these morons are out to self-destruct! they should just spare us the comedy and perform the harakiri together...

donplaypuks® said...

Art

The curious incident of the sub about which the publicity from the Govt was muted. No prior announcement was made!

Deafening silence for a $2.5 billion "investment"? Who piloted it here? Was it the 105 M'sian submen who were said to have been in training in France the last year or two?

dpp
We are all of 1 race, the Human Race

Anonymous said...

Art,

We Malaysians make a U-turn at every Junctions......, because Our so call leaders do so. Malasi Bolih.!!!!!!!

Antares said...

I'm immediately reminded of that ancient adage: "Those whom the gods wish to destroy they first make mad." Many have pondered what exactly was meant by that enigmatic statement. They only have to look at the Umno flip-floppers to guess the meaning. I've said it many times before but it bears repeating: ever since "that Mongolian woman" was abducted, possibly tortured and then executed in the most gruesome manner imaginable, Umno/BN has been on a downward spiral to hell. Not much longer now... and extending Musa Hassan's contract won't save those condemned compulsive rent-seekers.

Anonymous said...

Art,

What do expect from this two morons...., n also from the guy who burned his bridges.... he has no means of transport other then using a sampan to seek solace. Bodoh.

PM said...

Whenever I feel dull I would come in here for a good laugh.

Thank you for posting.

Tpg2Sg said...

2 sets of laws ; BN can U-Turn but not us. Goto this link & have a good laugh.


http://unwantedcitizen.blogspot.com/2009/08/bulan-kemerdekaan-why-malaysia-is-so.html

Yap Chong Yee said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

6.1

That's about right. The national farceball team has been doing that scoreline for decades.

J

natives are restless said...

Menteri menteri semua ini memang pandai cakap main main saja .

Main main ke-depan boleh , u-turn ke belakang boleh juga .
Main main diatas boleh , ke bawah lagi boleh .

These f**kers are trying to outdo each other to prove they processes immense stupidity.

Desmond said...

Another U Turn for you here about Mariam Johari and our famous U-Turns... please do not throw up

http://www.nst.com.my/Current_News/NST/articles/20090910054027/Article/index_html