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Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Sex please, we are Malaysians!

Let's face it. Malaysians are a sex-crazed lot. Period.

Just take a look at the Tongkat Ali adverts all over the place. Tongkat Ali coffee. Tongkat Ali tea. Tongkat Ali isotonic drinks. Tongkat Ali toothpaste. Yes. Even the toothpaste does not escape the Tongkat Ali treatment.

Then we have the "last longer" adverts and fliers being stuck on whatever  "stickable surface" wherever and whenever available, whether dulu, kini or selamanya. "Ubat tahan lama", followed by the phone number to be dialed. That's the usual tag.

With all these exhortations, small wonder that many Muslims in Malaysia desire to marry more than one. Some even married another one without the consent of the first one thereby incurring jail sentence and fines. This is what I call "the leakage marriage", where the second marriage would make the man's pocket leak. Some even destroyed his marriage certificate in order to conceal the second marriage. Some claimed (in fact it was the same guy who destroyed the certificate) that he did not know that he was getting married the second time. HUahahAHa...

Thus it came as no surprise when our Tokoh Nilam of the year proclaimed that he keeps fit and energetic by reading some stuffs with his wife and have sex every night. None other than the Star reported this yesterday.

I just love the title. "Award-winning teacher's secret - reading and sex."

Like, tawdally "WOW"!!

Reading the title, I was thinking that this award-winning teacher - our Tokoh Mempelam whatever - had managed to unlock the mystery of meta-universe by unifying the principles of quantum mechanics with that of ultimate ensemble.

Or at the very least, he had uncovered the secret to making the  students more alert and attentive in classes by having sex while also reading at the same time. But no. The guy was actually being interviewed after he had been awarded the Tokoh Nilam award, a state award to  "honour a teacher who has managed outstanding achievements in education."

That this utter nonsense managed to appear in the Star shows what we really are. We are as shallow as our arm pit!

I could just imagine. Just after Minister Idris Jala announced that Malaysia would go bankrupt in 2019 if subsidies were not cut and after him extolling the benefits of subsidy cutting - just after he pointed out that our national debt would equal to our GDP by 2019 and that 15.3% of the government expenditures go towards subsidies - a reporter from the Star would ask him (in tawdally yankee doo-dle-dy accent) :

Reporter : "Meestder Ministder, how did you arrive at this tawdally awesome findin?"

Minister Idris : "I tell ya...I read every night with my wife in bed and have sex with her every night dude. That's how I know."

Reporter : "Tawdally, erm...like awesome..."

I mean, there wouldn't be any question on whether there is any other way NOT to make Malaysia bankrupt, like sealing the "leakages" in our expenditures. And what about talks of 100 billions being lost during someone's reign as the Supreme Ayatollah of Opulent Projects? And not to mention about our defence expenditures even though nobody is going to war in this region (well, not that we all know of). As well as our predilections towards Mega Expensive projects which over time became even more mega expensive like the PKFZ and the likes.

No. There was to be no such question.

Back to our Tokoh Nilam Seram Peram di Dapur. Sorry. No offence meant. And I am not belittling him and his award, which I am sure he totally deserves.

He could have been asked what he has achieved to deserve the award. Or what he thinks of the education system nowadays. Or how he thinks the standard of education could be improved. Or what he thinks about the current obsession with getting 25 A1 in SPM. But no. No such question.

At the end of the day, such inane occurrence is reflective of our state of mind. To a certain extent, we have this deep obsession with sex and everything else which has something to do with sex. In fact, we could actually be a bit depraved internally.

Despite all our moral high ground posturing - which results in us objecting against Rhihana concerts and the likes, or not voting for Zaid Ibrahim etc - deep inside we are a sexual society after all. Deep down inside, we would love to talk about sex as well as, I would venture to guess, have sex all the time too.

Even our religious authorities are quite fond of voyeurism. Our TV reporters included. Even in our Parliament, our MPs talk and insinuate about sexual matters all the time.

To some people, having sex with the wife 6 times a day is a God given right. Just as the Chief Minister of Melaka saying that torturing animals with whatever injection is a God given right. Just read this report.

Sometimes, we even taped our sexual acts. Just have a look at this one. Not only that, the very same report refers to an Ali (for sure with a hell lot of Tongkat, this one!)  taking advantage of women who are caught for khalwat by offering to pay their respective fine on the condition that they would marry him!

Added to this desire for everything sexual nowadays is further spiced up with our society's (especially the Malays) predisposition towards everything mystic. I am using the word "mystic" because I want to be nice here. Actually, I should use the word "tahyul" or "mengarut."

Just look at the numbers of "seram movies" on our TV lately. We have all sorts of "hantus", "jins", "bunians" and what have you nowadays. A tourist happening to be in Malaysia would not be wrong to think that all Malaysians are obsessed with ghosts and djins. We have them in all varieties, colours, noises and fashions.

And when sex and this so called "mystic" are married, phowarr...like tawdally meletup!

Just read this tawdally aweshum story. 

Till the next sexual encounter cheerio!

35 comments:

Fahri said...

Bro, you should not be so hard with the award winner despite him flaunting his hardness. He is clear proof that the regular use of one head is beneficial for the other head! Somebody give him a Tan Sri-ship already lah!

Stella said...

Art, you are getting funnier ... or is it the topic? Just wonder when will be the day SEX becomes national hobby / pastime... like Nasi Lemak is our national breakfast & lunch & dinner...

teo siew chin said...

aiya, whatever pacifies the menfolk lah.
better than shooting with guns don't you think?
btw, Art Harun shoots great! ^_^

Anonymous said...

LOL! man you brought me to tears!!

BOGO said...

Others might say you not getting enough of it.. (as in s**)..know what I mean!

david said...

Ka Ka ka Art this article is
sexational
i really hope sex if officially a nation sport and we can all go pro or pros soon ha ha ha

Nobi said

Anonymous said...

I thought that I'm the only one who nearly fell off my chair when I read the news yesterday. You sum it up well.. The country is doom..with the generation of shallow and also hollow leaders!
Cheers Bro.

Anonymous said...

Guru kencing berdiri, murid kencing berlari. The students should do better than him

clearwater said...

If only our BN politicians would indulge in more sex (with their respective wives) and less hypocrisy & lies, we will be on the path to be a better country. Get the guy to hold classes for all our parliamentarians.

Navi said...

Some actor once said that we have been endowed with a brain and a penis, with enough blood for the use of one at any one time. Wonder on which organ this award winner has been pumping his blood to.

Anonymous said...

When I first read that Star headlines I thought that this dude guru was being toted as the specialist in the Sex education branch of the Ministry of Miseducation!!

RS said...

HAHAHAHHAAHHAH

THIS TOTALLY MADE ME CRACK UP.

YOU ROCK. Keep speaking the truth. PEACE!!!

Anonymous said...

we consume coz we are into the habit of seeking happiness constantly for myself, The more I consume the more dissatisfied I become, & crave to consume more. I set myself up for a cycle of dissatisfaction & addiction, how can I stop this suffering? ... only the teachings of the enlighten beings can help in this cases...

Anonymous said...

I was so excited about the new discovery and just could not wait to try it. Unfortunately, both my wife and me are not educated, and both of us do not know how to read at all. So we have no choice but to continue with tongkat ali and kicap fatimah, and vigra, and consume lots of seafood. I wish chegu can conduct sex-class and tuition for sex-crazy people like me. It will surely attract a lot of people from all over the country, since Malaysians are indeed sex-maniacs ... even 4 are not enough for some.

Anonymous said...

I hope he's distributing condoms to his students. I'm sure a few will be trying to improve themselves academically after learning his secret.

Anonymous said...

All the while I have learnt that too much of sex damages your brains and weakens your system...not to mention wasting your energy... Everything in excess damages your body. Even scientist have proven it that too much sex is detrimental to health... 2 to 3 times a week is considered normal by them... more than that you need some kind of stimulant to perform. I think that's what the teacher is using... Or maybe he is also reading too many books on sex or erotic kind to get stimulated too... really a very sick teacher... I just can't believe it..

lucifer-butler said...

Bro Art,

You are sharp as ever.

That teacher guy who won the award sure looks like a wierdo...too much sex ah....wakakakakaka

Dense said...

This has got to be some sort of a tawdally aweshum joke... Right? A muslim from Terengganu sharing the intimate details of his sex life with his 23 yo son... and with the rest of Malaysia

I read somewhere that Malaysians were the highest per head consumers of Viagra in the world... What I want to know now is what this guy has been reading to his wife... Surely its not porn

... ... ... ... ... ... nik elin said...

I used to be a nymphomaniac until I ran out of sexual positions.

I wonder how his sex is. Is it just the wham bham thank you maam or is it the 1,000 positions of the Kamasutra?

I think they are reading porno stuff.

Lets interview the wife.

... ... ... ... ... ... nik elin said...

EVERY DAY they have been having sex.. hmmm even when she is having her period? Or ... does masturabtion count as sex?

rob said...

Art

I am trying to figure out his 'formula' then I realised that it should be reading first then sex and not the other way round because as we know all men will just turn over and zzzz when the act is done.

cheers

Anonymous said...

Art,
Sexy article. Just to add one more new definition....
Saxophone - Is not having sex while on the phone.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps this formula should be taught to our uni students esp the males since they are doing poorly when compared to the females. I am sure they will embrace this eagerly.

Aroon said...

Dear Art,
"Then we have the "last longer" adverts and fliers being stuck on whatever "stickable surface" wherever and whenever available, whether dulu, kini or selamanya. "Ubat tahan lama", followed by the phone number to be dialed."

Don't you think that if ubat tahan lama is popular among Malay men then that would mean that they don't tahan lama in the first place? Hmm? Whence comes this insecurity?

Anonymous said...

david said...

Ka Ka ka Art this article is
sexational
i really hope sex if officially a nation sport and we can all go pro or pros soon ha ha ha


_______________________________________

kakaka.... thats really....oh my...

Anonymous said...

yes indeed....... uncontrollable sexual desire ...thks to sickening Tongkat ali... & others .

may be the country should ban the products...

Anonymous said...

seriously, i cant believe this............

Meng said...

Looks like I may go into business selling ubat tahan lama.

blink said...

Actually what the Cikgu says about sex has merit. Seriously! According to Dr. Michael Roizen (you can google him, a very prominent Dr.), regular sex helps decrease risk of heart attacks and strokes by 50% and decrease your 'real' age from 2 to 8 yrs. That could be why the Cikgu feels young and energetic while his colleagues (most may not exercise regularly) do not.

However, during an interview on one's achievement in education is not really the most suitable time to bring this up!

Kit said...

Well...the only activity he's doing at night nowadays after the article is READING...cos his wife ain't giving it to him anymore due to intense humiliation after making his secret a national treasure.

Given a few more days, his WILLY will just start to shrivel and drop off. Maybe that will bring to attention, our captians of our great country to cut the sex and re-ANALyse the subsidy stats.

Anonymous said...

Shouldn't the Islamic Affairs Authority haul this Tokoh up for an offence of having sex when the wife had her menses since he claimed that he had sex with the wife every night?

Anonymous said...

10 years on, One is fighting for the plight of the Palestinians, while the Other is still embroiled with his sodomy.

Toing!

Anonymous said...

well done Art for reducing one's achievement...Malay or other wise.

spend more of your time with your partner (whatever orientation you choose) rather than being a busy body... you might get some.

ejaz14357 said...

He is clear proof that the regular use of one head is beneficial for the other head! Somebody give him a Tan Sri-ship already lah.

ejaz14357 said...

So, we have no choice but to continue with tongkat ali and kicap fatimah, and vigra, and consume lots of seafood. I wish chegu can conduct sex-class and tuition for sex-crazy people like me.