Let's face it. Malaysians are a sex-crazed lot. Period.
Just take a look at the Tongkat Ali adverts all over the place. Tongkat Ali coffee. Tongkat Ali tea. Tongkat Ali isotonic drinks. Tongkat Ali toothpaste. Yes. Even the toothpaste does not escape the Tongkat Ali treatment.
Then we have the "last longer" adverts and fliers being stuck on whatever "stickable surface" wherever and whenever available, whether dulu, kini or selamanya. "Ubat tahan lama", followed by the phone number to be dialed. That's the usual tag.
With all these exhortations, small wonder that many Muslims in Malaysia desire to marry more than one. Some even married another one without the consent of the first one thereby incurring jail sentence and fines. This is what I call "the leakage marriage", where the second marriage would make the man's pocket leak. Some even destroyed his marriage certificate in order to conceal the second marriage. Some claimed (in fact it was the same guy who destroyed the certificate) that he did not know that he was getting married the second time. HUahahAHa...
Thus it came as no surprise when our Tokoh Nilam of the year proclaimed that he keeps fit and energetic by reading some stuffs with his wife and have sex every night. None other than the Star reported this yesterday.
I just love the title. "Award-winning teacher's secret - reading and sex."
Like, tawdally "WOW"!!
Reading the title, I was thinking that this award-winning teacher - our Tokoh Mempelam whatever - had managed to unlock the mystery of meta-universe by unifying the principles of quantum mechanics with that of ultimate ensemble.
Or at the very least, he had uncovered the secret to making the students more alert and attentive in classes by having sex while also reading at the same time. But no. The guy was actually being interviewed after he had been awarded the Tokoh Nilam award, a state award to "honour a teacher who has managed outstanding achievements in education."
That this utter nonsense managed to appear in the Star shows what we really are. We are as shallow as our arm pit!
I could just imagine. Just after Minister Idris Jala announced that Malaysia would go bankrupt in 2019 if subsidies were not cut and after him extolling the benefits of subsidy cutting - just after he pointed out that our national debt would equal to our GDP by 2019 and that 15.3% of the government expenditures go towards subsidies - a reporter from the Star would ask him (in tawdally yankee doo-dle-dy accent) :
Reporter : "Meestder Ministder, how did you arrive at this tawdally awesome findin?"
Minister Idris : "I tell ya...I read every night with my wife in bed and have sex with her every night dude. That's how I know."
Reporter : "Tawdally, erm...like awesome..."
I mean, there wouldn't be any question on whether there is any other way NOT to make Malaysia bankrupt, like sealing the "leakages" in our expenditures. And what about talks of 100 billions being lost during someone's reign as the Supreme Ayatollah of Opulent Projects? And not to mention about our defence expenditures even though nobody is going to war in this region (well, not that we all know of). As well as our predilections towards Mega Expensive projects which over time became even more mega expensive like the PKFZ and the likes.
No. There was to be no such question.
Back to our Tokoh Nilam Seram Peram di Dapur. Sorry. No offence meant. And I am not belittling him and his award, which I am sure he totally deserves.
He could have been asked what he has achieved to deserve the award. Or what he thinks of the education system nowadays. Or how he thinks the standard of education could be improved. Or what he thinks about the current obsession with getting 25 A1 in SPM. But no. No such question.
At the end of the day, such inane occurrence is reflective of our state of mind. To a certain extent, we have this deep obsession with sex and everything else which has something to do with sex. In fact, we could actually be a bit depraved internally.
Despite all our moral high ground posturing - which results in us objecting against Rhihana concerts and the likes, or not voting for Zaid Ibrahim etc - deep inside we are a sexual society after all. Deep down inside, we would love to talk about sex as well as, I would venture to guess, have sex all the time too.
Even our religious authorities are quite fond of voyeurism. Our TV reporters included. Even in our Parliament, our MPs talk and insinuate about sexual matters all the time.
To some people, having sex with the wife 6 times a day is a God given right. Just as the Chief Minister of Melaka saying that torturing animals with whatever injection is a God given right. Just read this report.
Sometimes, we even taped our sexual acts. Just have a look at this one. Not only that, the very same report refers to an Ali (for sure with a hell lot of Tongkat, this one!) taking advantage of women who are caught for khalwat by offering to pay their respective fine on the condition that they would marry him!
Added to this desire for everything sexual nowadays is further spiced up with our society's (especially the Malays) predisposition towards everything mystic. I am using the word "mystic" because I want to be nice here. Actually, I should use the word "tahyul" or "mengarut."
Just look at the numbers of "seram movies" on our TV lately. We have all sorts of "hantus", "jins", "bunians" and what have you nowadays. A tourist happening to be in Malaysia would not be wrong to think that all Malaysians are obsessed with ghosts and djins. We have them in all varieties, colours, noises and fashions.
And when sex and this so called "mystic" are married, phowarr...like tawdally meletup!
Just read this tawdally aweshum story.
Till the next sexual encounter cheerio!