Loyal Followers

Monday, May 16, 2011

Is there a conspiracy - Christian or otherwise - to make me laugh?

First, according to DrM, buying a Proton car is an "amal jariah." That means, those Muslims will get "pahala" or good points from God if they buy a Proton car or two. According to him, that is because when we buy a Proton car, we are helping all those employees of Proton and many more who would get jobs with Proton.

Alhamdulillah.

Taking that further, paying toll would be amal jariah too. So is eating KFC. And renting an office space in Puterajaya too I suppose. Oh ya, racing at Sepang F1 track would be amal jariah too.

According to a friend of mine, Proton's advertisement from now on should read:

"Syurga di bawah tayar Proton" or in English, "Heaven, under Proton's tyres".

May I instead suggest:

"Proton - driving you to heaven"

Or perhaps:

"Want virgins in heaven? Don't blow yourself up. Buy a Proton"

LOL!

Err...how about building the planned crooked bridge? Yes. That would be amal jariah too?

It is also an irony that in the High Court on Wednesday the 11th, Counsel for the Home Ministry, argued that Zunar's cartoons contained "terrible accusations." According to him:-

"The conclusion by the (home) minister is that the content of the cartoons (was) terrible accusation (and) extreme insult to national leaders including the judiciary.
"The books can't cause public disturbance but there is potential that the people who read it could be likely (influenced).”

Hahhaha, if the Home Ministry wishes to ban everybody who insults national leaders, I suppose the HM would have to ban about 20 million people daily.

By the way, some of the leaders would have to be banned as well. That's because day in day out, some of them insult themselves in full public view.

It is of course a source of considerable  perplexity that a cartoon book could be banned for having some spoofs on Cartoonland but a major newspaper could escape even a public chiding by publishing seditious reports of alleged Christian conspiracy to take over Malaysia and changed its "official religion."

Last week the Home Ministry  sent a letter of warning to Utusan Malaysia and summoned the Editor for serious talk. I could imagine the conversation:-

Home Minister: Asslamualaikum. Sila duduk.

Editor: Waalaikumussalam. Terima kasih.

HM: Eh, er...engko jangan tulis pasal komplot Kristian tu lagi ek. Orang tak sker. Okay?

Editor: Orait bro. Maaf. Orait Dato' Seri.

HM: Ini I kasik amaran k. Lain kali takder amaran lagik k. Ko jangan buat camtu lagi ek?

Editor: Okay Dato' Seri. Merkasih.

HM: Assalamualaikum.

Editor: Waalaikumussalam.

It of course escapes me and many others as to why the Home Ministry did not send a show cause letter to Utusan as they did to Suara Keadilan for publishing an article saying FELDA was bankrupt or to the Herald for using the word Allah.

I mean, if the Suara Keadilan's and Herald's articles could be deemed to be so "mengancam" necessitating a show cause letter, how come the Utusan shit-stirring "news" only warranted a warning?

1Malaysia. 2Standard?

Oh, by the way, Rocky's Bru posted here that:

"The MCMC has just finished "interviewing" bloggers Zakhir Mohamad aka Big Dog and Shamsul Yunus, who was running Marahku before it was hacked last week."

Oh, no wonder la the post alleging the now infamous "Christian conspiracy" has been removed from that blog. It was hacked rupanyer. So, Shamsul Yunos, the owner of that blog, did not actually post that article lah, kan?

As a lawyer, may I advise Shamsul Yunos to lodge a police report about his blog being hacked last week, if he hadn't done so in the past week.

In true Malaysian tradition, a sumpah laknat would be good too. Har har har.

Then MalaysiaKini, yesterday, reported:-

"Detectives are hunting two men who have been throwing acid on pedestrians in a string of attacks that have sent shockwaves through the capital, police said today.

Kuala Lumpur has been plagued by attacks on at least 22 people since February, terrifying residents across the city and its suburbs."

Wow. Hebat sekali. Sungguh ber-efisyen lagi eksilen. (Minister Rais, sorry about the Manglish).

TWENTY TWO attacks. And the police is now hunting them. Have they interviewed witnesses? Has there been suspect and victim profiling? What about suspect description? What about preventive actions? How about some undercover works? Why are there twenty-two attacks? I thought crime rates have gone down considerably, no?

Well I suppose, these are not DAP or PKR members lah. Nothing to do with politics. So, they can wait until 22 attacks lah.

However, I can't help but to notice that our police had been very diligent in trying to find out who was actually in the now infamous sex video. They had even engaged experts from the United States to help in their search for the truth and nothing but the absolute smutty truth. Perhaps they should do the same in their quest for the acid splasher, no?

On Wednesday too, MalaysiaKini reported that Yang Amat Arif ("the most learned" - in English) Chief Justice said:-

"Counsel cannot expect good judgements unless they themselves come out with convincing, logical arguments,"

According to YAACJ:-

"The Bar has been advocating that judges should be more radical in some of their decision making....
"But in our common law practice, the ideas for developing a law must come from the counsel's submission."

Yes, YAA, but please do not forget that Judges must firstly have the right judicial temperament to listen to what Counsel is saying. Then Judges must have the intelligence and knowledge to actually understand what Counsel is saying. After that, Judges must actually have the judicial mind to analyse what Counsel has just said and apply them to the case at hand. Judges then should apply reasons to the various arguments proffered by Counsel; make a thorough appreciation of facts (including making findings of facts after analising testimonies and witness' character) and apply the law to those facts. Then a decision is made and pronounced.

When I say a decision is made Yang Amat Arif, I do not mean the Judges reproducing 30 pages of what Counsel on one side says and agreeing with what was being said by that Counsel.

By the way, having Judges who listen attentively to what Counsel says - as opposed to perfecting the art of sleeping with their eyes open - and who do not lean backward on the Bench and sending a text message (they call it "sms") to somebody from their mobile phone (they call 'em "hand phones") would also be good.

I wish Malaysia had funny news like this instead:

Man arrested after ejaculating during TSA pat-down

TSA agent gropes man

November 21, 2010

A 47 year old gay man was arrested at San Francisco International Airport after ejaculating while being patted down by a male TSA agent.  Percy Cummings, an interior designer from San Francisco, is being held without bail after the alleged incident, charged with sexually assaulting a Federal agent.

According to Cummings’ partner, Sergio Armani, Cummings has “multiple piercings on his manhood” which were detected during a full body scan.  As a result, Cummings was pulled aside for a pat-down.  Armani stated that the unidentified TSA agent spent “an inordinate amount of time groping” Cummings, who had apparently become sexually aroused.  Cummings, who has a history of sexual dysfunction, ejaculated while the TSA agent’s hand was feeling the piercings.  The TSA agent, according to several witnesses, promptly called for back up.  Cummings was thrown to the ground and handcuffed.

A TSA spokesperson declined to comment on this specific case, but said that anyone ejaculating during a pat-down would be subject to arrest.

Because, that's really funny. In a real sense.

Not in a Malaysian sense.

26 comments:

PahNur said...

Nothing like reading an Art Harun's piece to light up the otherwise dull Mourndays....just a wee comment on the gay ejaculater ....his name is cummings....how fitting...:-)

*P* said...

with all the embarrassing goings-on, this country so desperately needs to be rebooted.

btw, "percy cummings", and the TSA didn't see that no-brainer coming (pun intended)? :-D

Anonymous said...

Esxcerpt:-

....according to DrM buying a Proton car is an "amal jariah." That means, those Muslims will get "pahala" or good points from God if they buy a Proton car or two. According to him, that is because when we buy a Proton car, we are helping all those employees of Proton and many more who would get jobs with Proton...

______________________________

Eh... Madey, so if someone is killed in an accident while travelling in a crappy Potong car , he or she will be guarantted a place in "syurga" ???

Yes ??? No ???

Anonymous said...

Yeah,why it took them so long to catch and arrest the acid splasher shows that our police is hopeless and good for nothing. They will catch culprits most efficiently if it involves Dato Anwar Ibrahim.This shows that the police is not taking care of public safety (the tax payers)who pay them their salaries .They thought it's BN or Najib whom they owed their living.

Al Tugauw said...

Btw, President Obama has reportedly pardoned Percy Cummings. See http://www.deadseriousnews.com/?p=644

Anonymous said...

Former PM has been taking us for a ride for long time, without market protection, his proton project long gone and get "de-merit pahala"

Haha, our sodomy case can beat cumming's 'pat down' hand -down.

Anonymous said...

Mr Art, I am laughing my head off reading this piece.

telur dua said...

The Rakyat has been doing 'amal jariah' since time immemorial.

They have ben helping themselves generously to our tax money, haven't they?

Anonymous said...

LKY said to ask DR M not to make such great & funny jokes. He cannot take it any more. He is already 87 & he does not want to die laughing

Anonymous said...

Looks as if Dr. M is so much a better "preacher" than most Ulamas.

uriaheep said...

Soon MM will be meeting Saddam in the heaven driving Proton with Osama around trying hard to find the so called 72 virgins.

Anonymous said...

PDRM is infested with officers with low IQs.
Just look at the IGP and his deputy. Both look so so stupid and they talk even more stupid than they look.
How can these nincompoops find that young man who splashes his victims.
The whole police force can't get him after 22 cases of assault. Tell me, aren't they stupid?
All they keep saying is the video is authentic and they know the identity of the actor.

Anonymous said...

when DrM said "amal jariah" mean berbuat baik menolong proton. then you like all the nowadays fake ustaz/ustazah sponsor by colgate add pahala & new tagline for proton. We all know the proton problem and how to solved it because we all expert in motoring and also have 1 year subscription of top gear magazine.

lousy monolog for gay.

Timothy said...

Dr M is now a national curse,but ooops when was he ever a blessings to malaysia ?

everytime the power window of my Waja ( or shall i call it Plastic ?)i will remember the curse on malaysians

Anonymous said...

HAHAHA.I always look forward to your posts. Hope the govt changes in future for all well read professionals who behave professionally to get involved in Nation Building.....Again!

SM said...

Art,

Thanks for another creative article! Keep them cumming!

Gan said...

Art ... enjoyed your satire ! ada oomph punya !

Tiger said...

Why BN has so many MORONS in them?
Like that, PR doesn't need to do anything, just avoid stupid mistakes like what the Ministers are doing day in day out.

Anonymous said...

I beg to differ Dr M's take on 'amal jariah'. When I bought my Toyota, I had also helped to feed the AP holder/signatory, i.e. some crony, retired govt official, corrupted proxy, etc. Not just himself but his entire family and the generations to come.

Anonymous said...

Let's see..hmmmmm..what is the benefit/cost of buying a Proton:

Benefit fist:
1. take me from point A to point B
2. ahhhhhh....i'm thinking
3. ahhhhhh....shut-up lah...I'm still thinking
4. Yah..got it ....cheapest car in the country ?????
5. Almost forgot...every malaysian can own one...no need down payment...bank will pay for me now and I will pay back later (5 years, 7 years, or 9 years).

Cost:
1. For most Malaysian, at least 1/3 of their monthly salary reserve to pay back car loan for the next 5 to 9 years. One of the highest in the world in terms of propotion of income sacrifice to finance a motor vehicle (cheapast in the country). how to afford vios, city, let alone BM, Merc. In my dreams lah.
2. Another 1/3 of monthly income to maintain the vehicle ...petrol, parts, servicing, depreciation not to forget toll paying.
3. Frequent frustation....power windows sometimes working sometimes not working (I swear these monstrous brand of a vehicle, does it on purpose to frustrate the owner. the power window always do not work when there is a thunderstorm and you are trying to pay toll. And I swear sometimes I hear the car laughing at me when I get myself all drench.
4. to be continued.....

How lah..ever since I was a boy I told myself I will study hard and get myself a good education, I did that. I told myself I will get a good job and work hard to earn a decent living. I did that. I dreamt of owning a German made car when I have a stable career. I am still dreaming. When is this nightmare going to end????

Anonymous said...

TDM actually meant he wanted to be an "amal jariah". After all he was the one who created the Proton disaster and he deserves to be accorded as such. I bought a Proton Saga ages ago and it is the worst car I've ever owned. I guess buying the Proton was an "amal pariah". My family and I will never ever buy another Proton....re-badged or otherwise, Any car that bears the Proton name or logo is "shitty shitty bang bang".

Anonymous said...

"Syurga di bawah tayar Proton." That is a classic! LOL

Navi said...

Dr. Mahathir knows all. He is the expert in all fields; he comments on everything that happens in the country. As an expert, he can't be wrong. All Proton owners will go to heaven. Pity those who drive Porches, hummers, Bentlys, BMWs and Mercedes. By Dr. Mahthir's logic, they will all end up in hell. I wonder what car the good doctor drives?

badeklangbuana said...

Salam to all, while we are doing "amal jariah" when buying a Proton, how about those in Proton (from workers to managers to CEO) who sell us overpriced lousy no quality car? Aren't they considered CHEATERS? and where do cheaters go? Heaven or Hell? We'll if we go by TDM's logic, Heaven will be full of Proton buyers while Hell will be full of Proton's employees!

Cheers!
badeklanglangbuana@gmail.com

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Wisata Baitullah said...

All of Stories in your article is really funny, go on with other cute article. I will be back to read it. Thank you.