I am here. I do not know whether I am lying down, standing up or sitting down. I can just feel my existence although I cannot feel the usual rush of blood through my veins nor do I inhale and exhale. I feel like I am constantly floating, from a place to another, without boundary. I am sure I am in a room although I could not feel the constraints of 4 walls, a floor and a roof. If I look in front, I could see far and yonder although not before long I would be at the place I was looking at a moment ago. I seem to move, and move fast at that, although I feel I am stationary all the while.
If I proceed to touch the walls, I would know of their existence. But they lack stature as walls and as physical boundaries. The room is lighted. White, blue, bright and dark, shades of gray and black, dawn and twilight, constantly interchanging as my mind wanders and my emotions vary. Speaking of which, the only tangible matter being present was my mind, and probably my emotions. The others are intangibles. It is as if I had lost all physical and biological matters. It is as if I am defying all laws of physic. It is as if there is no physicality to anything anymore.
After some time, I realise that I am free. I am free from all physical constraints. I am soaring. I am wandering in this huge matter of nothingness although at the same time I am aware of its fullness. I feel I am alone although I don't feel lonely. And although it is quiet I am not moved to seeking companionship. It is like I already have whatever and everything that I need. It is as if I am deeply satisfied. All my hopes, my expectations, my aspirations, dreams and fantasies are fulfilled just as I think of them.
And just as I am aware of my existence, I could feel Your presence. But I am not moved to seek to see You. Nor do I feel the need to touch You. Nor do I speak with or to You.
I had posted this piece at Navel Gazing on 24th December 2008. A dear friend of mine loses his dear mother today. I am reproducing this here as a dedication to him, his family and his departed mother. May God bless her soul and may my friend find the strength to let his mother complete her journey to find eternal piece. To my said friend, you know your mother has done well. She has left a good son.