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Wednesday, February 25, 2009

the economy - a stimulating idiot's guide

Ha...ha... bloody HA. Malaysia apparently is - or is it "was"? - "insulated" from the global economics meltdown. Like, awesome dood! While the rest of the world - America, Japan and Germany included - were knocked out silly by the meltdown, Malaysia was smiling her way to an economics safety vault. These were respectively the biggest and 2nd biggest economy in the world as well as the biggest economy in Europe. And they were in trouble. But no, Malaysia is insulated because of our "diversified economy and strong foundations". And guess what? Our GDP growth next year was loftily projected to be 4.5%.

Despite many economists saying that the Malaysian Finance Ministry is living in dreamland, we continue our usual repeat therapy. For the uninitiated, "repeat therapy" is a process where we are all programmed to believe that everything which we repeatedly say will actually happen if we repeat it often enough. Abdullah Ahmad Badawi pioneered this mind technology. Remember when he repeatedly said "I am in control"? Or when he repeatedly chanted "I will be fair"? Yes. Things like that. And so, if we repeat "Malaysia's economy is insulated" many many times, than our economy might just, indeed, be insulated. Now. Repeat after me. "Cow dung".

The truth is the world economy is so bad and it is going to hit us like one big bad fiery meteor from hell. Just imagine. The International Labour Organisation projects that 23 million people are going to lose their jobs in Asia this year! (see here). 1% of that is 230000. Even if Malaysia "contributes" 0.5% of that, it would mean 115000 Malaysians would lose their job! And we are insulated? And what about the 300000 odd Malaysians who are now working in Singapore. If even 10% of them are retrenched, that means 30000 people without jobs. Add to that the reduction of working days due to production cut-off, cancellation of over-time, forced holiday and leave as well as bonus and salary increase freeze, have we ever thought what that would do to our economy? And we are insulated? GDP of 4.5%? Good God! Just this morning, the radio announced that Citibank Group had forecast that our GDP will in fact shrink to minus 1.5% this year! That means we will be in a recession. The big R is here. But remember what Abdullah and Nor Mohamad said earlier this year? No. We will not be in a recession. Now, please repeat that folks. Repeat it until you sleep.

All the numbers are slowly creeping out now. Malaysia's export has shrunk. In December 2008 alone, our export shrunk to 46 billion ringgit, which represents a 14.9% decline year on year. (see here). Our biggest trading partner, America, is in a financial black hole. Japan, our traditional trading partner is seeing their consumer index dipping southward at an alarming rate. And we are apparently, insulated. Which makes me wonder what magical economics inoculations have Malaysia been injected with all this while!

Let me tell about the economics in normal, easy to understand terms.

Lesson One: The Economy is Like a Set of Tits

Yes. We all would love them big. But the truth is, they are not naturally big. Well, most of the time, that is. To make the economy big, we would have to do something to it. We just cannot sit around looking at it and expect it to be big. No. That wouldn't do. We have to bring them to the operating table, cut them open and inject or put some silicon, prop them up and stitch them up together again. Then they will be big. But no, we cannot just do that. We have to look at them first. Determine what is wrong with them. What is not quite right with them. Go to the drawing board and plan. We would have to draw out the tits that we would want. The ones that we would love to have. Not any old tits which are big. This would entail research and studies. It would entail thoughts. And plans. We don't just inject and inject and inject. And stimulate and stimulate and stimulate. Otherwise we would have tits which are monstrous, ugly and totally useless!

Lesson Two: The Economy, Like Tits, Must be Proportionate

Just because big is good, don't think that the bigger they are, the better they will be. That is why China had to actually control its economics growth. They make the growth hovers around 8-10%. Sometimes it exceeds to 11%. But there must be control. Why? Because if we do not control the growth, the economy would grow too fast and a bubble effect would ensue. The bubble then, when it is too big, like tits, would burst! When it burst, it would bring down with it everything else.

Lesson Three: Look at the Whole Body, Not Just the Tits

This is very important. Just imagine a 36FF on a 4'8" body. Aiyoh! The economy must be looked at as a whole and not in minute little spots here and there. We have micro economics and macro economics. Both must compliment each other. In a way, the micro policies must be optimised in order to support the macro ones. We also must remember that the economy does not exist in a vacuum. The economy is just but a necessary element in a bigger circle consisting of the society as an entity. Towards this, politics too comes into the equation. Thus, the economy cannot be detached from its direct impact on social and political life. When planning the economy therefore, thoughts must be given to its societal impact. What for instance are we going to do about the people who lose their jobs? What about retraining? What about creating small business opportunities? Or new job skills? And have we thought of the rising criminal activities which are induced by economics uncertainties or difficulties? What about health problems afflicting the people due to the economics downturn? What about health care system? Are we going to sacrifice educations in favour of a quick financial gain elsewhere? And what are we going to do when all these turmoils are over? Back to the same old game? Or new games? If it is the latter, do we need new rules and regulations? Are we going to diversify in something else? New and uncharted economics territory?

Lesson Four: Stimulations Must be Total

Don't just concentrate on the nipples! If the so called stimulus packages are going to be aimed at the construction industry, then we might as well continue to launch more and more tolled road projects and dig a big hole and jump into it! Just this morning I heard over the radio that Road Builders (a subsidiary of IJM) had been awarded the extensions of a road by 12 kilometers immediately after the concession of the toll road it operates expires! Hmmm...one expires and another one springs to life.

Okay, okay, I digress. Anyway, as I was saying, the stimulus plan must be wide ranging and holistic in nature. There mustn't be a stop gap measure. The fact that we have to announce a second stimulus just about 4 months after the first one shows that the first one was not sufficient and not well planned or thought out. We do not want a 3rd stimulus after this. Or a 4th one. There must be one holistic stimulus. Have we ever heard China launching a second stimulus in 4 months? Or Germany? Or wherever?

Our Government is in the habit of introducing stop gap measures. While these may seem good at first go, problems will crop up time and time again if the root of it is not addressed once and for all. Any stimulus package must look at all angles. In particular, it must address all the questions raised in Lesson Three above.

Okay. I am going to stop here. Otherwise, I would have to start charging. After all, I am not insulated.


Sophie said...

why a woman's assets? change lah to nose or something else that's neutral.

Other than that, it's a pretty good article.

Anonymous said...

What a briliant piece. Tonite, before i doze off, i'm sure as hell gonna take a long hard look at them tits. Hopefully i learn a thing or two about the economy. Woohah! cant wait till the day ends.

Cruzeiro said...

Oh yes - they're like a pair of tits, alright!

You keep artificially pumping it with silicon to prime it, and it still freezes in winter ....

Cruzeiro said...

Worse still, you can't see thru it on x-ray, when you (or it) is sick!!

Anonymous said...

Good article!
If only my Econs teacher knew how to draw out the facts in the textbook and illustrate them in a graphical and juicy manner, like what you've done!

Tits aside, what you commented is actually so very true.

I have been worrying since the day Spore said they were in recession. Getting more worried when top industry players take pay cuts, and getting paranoid when the gov promptly takes action like making bus fares even cheaper.

What the hell is our government doing? Digging for nude photos of the opposition? Sending out DVDs of oral sex? God help us!

khairulnizambakeri said...

Now, why don't our universities teach economics like this? *sigh*

Anonymous said...

Our economy is in good hands - najib knows everything there is to know about tits. just ask ziana.

Drachen said...

You can still think of tits at this moment?!? :-)

Bobby said...

Hahaha, you made my day, Art!
Well said!

blursotong said...

Hilarious but totally make sense ya!!

Kris said...

Very true analogy and dissertation. As to the question on why a womans assets were used as the analogy, a man's penis can be inflated or deflated with just a feel good syndrome (the "we are insulated mantra" is a good example) whereas a woman's tits would need more direct intervention like the economy. Politically impolite, perhaps, but an excellent analogy none the less.

art harun said...

Kris, LOL!!

Anonymous said...


Agree with you about economy like tits.

That's why it is being milked by connected people ..


Agi said...

Funny! Thanks for this.

Mandad's new installation, "Small Comfort For Hard Times," says it all......