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Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Lakbir Singh

A farmer named Lakbir Singh was overseeing his herd in a remote pasture in Bolehland when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young Malay man in an Armani suit, Gucci shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the farmer, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

Lakbir looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his iPad, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany . Within mere seconds, he receives  an email on his iPhone 4  that the image has been processed and the data is stored.

He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his iPhone 4 and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-colour, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the farmer and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows  and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Lakbir.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Lakbir says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a graduate from Oxford and a Member of Parliament for Umno," says Lakbir.

"Wow! That's correct," exclaims the yuppie with the customary Umno's Wow Factor,  "But how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required," answered Lakbir. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, and to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter you are, and you don't know a thing about cows. This is a herd of sheep."

Now give me back my dog."


RS said...

you never fail to write a simple yet powerfully accurate msg, Art. Love this post.

Shahrul "Apollo" Ghani said...


Anonymous said...

Fair bloody awesome! Am still rolling with the biggest laugh I've ever been able to laugh!!


Raison D'etre said...

Art, Art..

You have me rollicking. If I weren't at work, I'd have guffaw out loud.

Anonymous said...

ROFLMAO!!! simply hilarious yet brilliant, Art :)
keep up the good work!


abdullahjones said...


Q14 said...

umno guy held a dog...

Richard Cranium said...

"accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet..?"

Gee, you're old.

art harun said...

Mr Cranium,

Shall I thank you for stating the obvious, and quite apart from the fact that I have no clue what those things are? :)


siewchinteo said...

hahahahaa.... Art did a fantastic job modifying The Farmer's Joke into a malaysianised version!

PapaseedTorres said...

haha.. hilariously funny..

if only there's a 'like' button..

bumi-non-malay said...


scary things is that this is true and there is sikh, indian, chinese, kadazan, iban, murut, orang asli....etc who thinks their destiny to greatness lies with UMNO racist and Sultan Myth.

When all have power within to shape their own DESTINY for a better Malaysia...

Siti Fatimah Zaini. said...

Hilarious yet so accurate.No need any explanation,the article expresses clearly your point.Brilliant!

Anny said...

brilliant, just brilliantly funny ;)

Anonymous said...

haha..perfect script for Performing arts material

Anonymous said...

Copy cat .... not original

Anonymous said...

Kakaka!! Read different versions of this joke before ... but you bring a new dimension to it. Thanks for lightening what has been a horrible day for me!

... and your good 'friend', Ridhuan Tee is at it again ...seriously, write him in Malay at all his contact points, send a copy to Utusan Malaysia ... invite him for a debate and let him have a go at hurling verbal abuses at you.

donplaypuks® said...


It seems di rigeur to lift old and current jokes from the internet and elsewhere and re-hash them by substituting local names.

This lakbir joke is a rehash of an old joke about consultants and therefore loses its bite and humour.

It's time M'sians started being original instead of being mere copy cats!

we are all of 1 Race, the Human Race

Anonymous said...

lolz, good one

cram said...

Don't you write something like this again !!
I'm an old man, reading this post had me fell down from my stool.....from laughing....I could have died you know ? ...from laughing too hard !

Ranen said...

Dear Art Harun
I was a little confused till right to the end...then laugh me tits off.
Good, very good..
Ranen Bhattacharyya